i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
