Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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