Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize