I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
