i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
farters have to be the big spoon...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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