just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
