Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize