so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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