You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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