the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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