if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
