Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
