I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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