New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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