im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
