last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
