69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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