I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
it wasn't lemon gatorade
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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