why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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