Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
