I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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