Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
