Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
