What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
