Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
