She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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