Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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