I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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