the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
