Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
