great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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