The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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