if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
