Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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