I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
