she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
