I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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