Just mADE A PArabola og urine
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
