Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
