Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
