all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
