well you can't waste a boner
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize