Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
