K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
