And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
