just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
