Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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