Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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