I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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