It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need a burrito and a hug.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
