Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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