he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Boobs are out for the taking
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
