where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How external is "for external use only"?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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