It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
