Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
