Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
