I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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