ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
