My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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