i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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