so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
