I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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